I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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