Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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