You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
