Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
