i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
