Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
