You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
