So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
