I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
