Slut skills are useful in every country.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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