this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
