like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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