Duck Duck Cougar?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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