We're like a lot better than the average bears
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
