i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
