I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
