You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
