I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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