I'm really into asian looking animals
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
