Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
