We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
