I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
