when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
