If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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