his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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