Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
