I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
