Someone shit on the floor
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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