Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
