Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
