Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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