dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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