I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
