This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
