I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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