he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
