Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
