i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
