I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
