And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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