I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
