I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
