I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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