I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
