Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
