It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
