sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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