so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
