Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
