2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
