woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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