woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
